Fear

What are you scared of? We all have our fears. Some are rational, some are irrational. And some fears keep us from living the life we are supposed to be living.

My biggest fear is success.

Yes, you read that right. I am scared of success. It sounds crazy and completely irrational but hear me out. This fear I have of success is not because I don’t think I deserve it. I’m talented and driven when the time comes but with success comes failure.

A wise old man once told me that the road to success isn’t a straight shot; it’s paved with highs and lows. To succeed, you have to fail a few times. Those failures are lessons that help you adjust your tactics to get you to the mountaintop.

I have so many things I want to begin but knowing that failure will inevitably be apart of that journey has my creativity and passion halted. I think I’ve lived a very charmed life. Things kind of fell in my lap and my parents provided a great safety net in case of failure. I’ve face a few rejections but nothing like what would come if I acted on these ideas.

My dream in high school was to be on Broadway, dancing my heart out. I was so desperate to move to New York that I starting looking at NYU and Julliard for college. But that fear snuck up on me and I didn’t apply to either school. My dream was still dancing but that thought of being a tiny fish in a huge pond was frightening.

So I applied to Wayne State as a dance major. Everyone was telling me to choose something more practical; what was I going to do with a dance degree?  My mother encouraged me to interview for a journalism scholarship. I never expressed a real interest in journalism but it was the safer choice. I got it and the rest is history but I ultimately gave up on a dream because the risk of failure was too high.

Thinking back on the situation, I really laid the groundwork on the pattern of letting fear rule my decisions. I didn’t go after certain internships because I didn’t think I could get them. I didn’t apply for out of state jobs because I was scared my relationship wouldn’t withstand the distance. Hell, I stayed in that relationship because I feared loneliness and thought no one else would want me.

But I’m breaking the cycle. Fear is just a result of my insecurities. I’m talented, smart and driven. I know I can do the work to achieve my dreams; I just have to take the plunge. I can’t let fear run my life; instead I have to bet on me. Like I said, failure is inevitable. The only thing that matters is that I get back up when I fall, no matter how hard the fall may be.