Love or Peace

Love or Peace? 

This has been a running statement in my head since my brother Zach wrapped his first feature film. 

Why is it that we have to choose one over the other? Is that what life is really about? Will I have to constantly settle? 

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am a hopeless romantic. I WANT TO BE IN LOVE!!!! And not even in a sense that I want to receive it; I am so eager to give love to the deserving party! I’m at a point where I know who I am and being in a relationship no longer means that I have to compromise or shrink myself for love. 

I’m so eager to practice my healthy communication and relationship tools. I’ve been down bad but I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m in a secure enough place with myself that I can give love without taking away from me! 

I want to build a safe space with my significant other where we can show up as our full and complete selves; highs and lows. The space will be filled with love and allow complete vulnerability. I’m over being comfortable physically naked with someone but apprehensive about being emotionally naked with them. You can’t get the first part without creating the emotional safety first; and the same should be for him. We need to be intimate before we are INTIMATE. 

It’s cliche but I’ve definitely been looking for love in ALLLLLLLLL the wrong places. I lead with lust, thinking I can protect my heart but let’s be honest, sis is always going to butt in. It’s time to let her take the lead and make some decisions. 

I’ve conquered self-love. I have the tools to cope with triggers. I’ve got the job, the car and the house. The checklist is being handled and the happiness is setting in but I know something is missing. As I continue to knock down these goals and swell with accomplishment, the yearning for a mate becomes louder. Now, I don’t want ya’ll to think that I’m just lonely because that’s not the case at all. I have received more love and been made more aware of the love I have in my life in the past year than ever before. All of that has prepared me to step into this new chapter. I know I am worthy enough to receive love; I just now have to take flight and properly give it! 

I now know that I won’t be at peace until I find love; it’s the one goal left on my list to accomplish! 

This doesn’t mean I’m walking into every interaction with a man thinking he’s my soulmate; quite the contrary. If anything, knowing this means I am a lot more careful about WHO I allow into that vulnerable space. Like my good sis, Deb Spencer said: “I am an experience!” Everybody don’t meet the emotional requirements to ride this wave so if you not matching the energy, just pass me on by! We waiting for soulmates over this way!