Are you REALLY ready to date?

So the question was posed to me: “Are you really ready to date?” 

Ya’ll know I’m a little rusty in the dating game. Even with the one serious relationship I had, we didn’t date; we just kicked it for a little bit then he asked me to be his girlfriend. And that doesn’t even really count because I was a child. As an 18-year-old, my life was just beginning and I cut any real chance to experience life because I was in this long term relationship. I didn’t give myself the chance to explore and learn like most college kids do because I chose to be all up under him. So now, damn near 10 years later, I’m a little late to the game. I’m picking things back up where I left them as an 18-year-old college student. And that’s not to say that I’m still thinking and acting as a child but what my perception of the dating world is and has become is a little warped and outdated. 

I knew that there would be a lot of work I had to do on me before I could even think about entertaining any man when the world was reintroduced to Single Jam. What they saw was a person who didn’t know who the hell she was. I had completely given myself to a relationship for 5 years. I had only focused on building a career and supporting this man. Those were my priorities at the time. I didn’t think about becoming the woman I wanted to be. So when it was just me, I didn’t even know where to start or what to do. 

We all talk about being someone our younger selves would be proud of. I was not that woman 3 years ago. I was broken and lost; professionally and personally. The decisions I had made in college and the opportunities I gave up would have made younger me want to kick older me’s ass! 

I always admired my mother’s “take no shit” attitude. I wanted that for me. I wanted that level of confidence and that is where I wanted to start. I began speaking up for myself at work, making moves in the men department regardless of the turn out and learning to forgive myself for the mistakes I’ve made. I started acting like that confident woman, hoping that one day the switch would flip. 

Fast forward to the present day, that confident woman has arrived. I’m not pretending anymore. Although the job situation is still iffy, I’m confident in my skills and I’m always open to learning more. My grown woman body has arrived after what seemed like endless puberty and although I have my days, I wake up knowing I look damn good. The way I admire my outside appearance matches the admiration for the woman I am on the inside. I know who I am, the good and more importantly the bad! I’m not going to sit here and tell ya’ll I am 100% satisfied with life and I don’t have my bad days but I’m in a place where I know how to move through the bad days and get back to me. 

I went through that long backstory to say, yes I am ready to date but that comes with an asterisk. 

I wholeheartedly LOVE love. I want the adoring husband and kids. That’s a goal for me. It’s important but it’s not as important as waking up everyday and loving the woman I see before me. I worked really hard to get to the point where I could enjoy my own company. A lot of people can’t say they love to be by themselves but it’s a luxury I hold near and dear to my heart. 

I know who I am. I am extra, I share waaayyyyy too much. I can be loud and obnoxious and my humor may be a little offensive at times. But just as those qualities can be off putting, they are some of my favorite things about myself. 

Jumping back to that dating perception topic. At 18, social media was just something we did for fun. We didn’t try to create personas for ourselves but that’s what it has become for some people. Again, it goes back to not liking who we are or liking to be alone with ourselves so we create this fake image of who we are because that’s how we want people to see us. 

I don’t have the energy for that. Ya’ll get me in real and raw time. You’ll see me happy, having an anxiety attack, cussing ya’ll out and in my Meek Mill wig braids. If I’m going to share with ya’ll, you’re going to get the real me because it took a lot of hard work for me to love who I am. I told ya’ll, I lost myself in that relationship and once I found that woman, I’m not risking losing her again!

And that’s the dilemma. We live in a very social media heavy world. People will look at your profile for a few minutes and think they know all about you. For me, you probably know a lot because anything I share is real. It’s me. It’s not everything but a lot of it is there. And that can be a good thing and a bad thing when looking for a mate. 

I know I am not everyone’s cup of tea. I used to yearn for everyone to like me but at this big age, I really couldn’t care less. I know it’s going to take a VERY special man to love me for all that I am. And I also know that when this special man comes along there will be qualities about myself that I may change and adjust but I’ll still fundamentally be me because that’s who he loves and adores. 

It’s going to take a certain man, handcrafted by God, to love a woman who will break out into stands counts at any random moment and cheer her own when she’s in a heated Chicken Head or Hip Roll battle at Floods. No regular man is going to join in while I sing every word to a Disney movie or Roger Hammerstein’s Cinderella. I don’t expect Joe Shmoe to grab a blanket and cuddle up to me when he walks in the door and sees me wrapped up like a burrito on the couch. Everybody can’t handle my ignorant humor and hit me right back with an inappropriate joke. Some men are going to look at my social media or see me out and think I’m not “wife material” and that’s just life. Someone might get to know me and in the process find out we aren’t compatible. C’est La Vie. 

I know and I am faithful that there is a man somewhere out there made just for me. He’s going to possess all the qualities I pray my husband will have and he’s going to think the same of me. That could mean I may miss out on naturally bringing life into this world. I may not find him until I’m 50 and really in my bad bitch bag. That’s okay because what will always be at the top of the list is finding a man who loves everything about me and vice versa. 

So yes, I am ready to date. I am prepared to run into a lot of frogs and have men tell me I’m not the one for them; I’m too much! I very well could be but I know the person I am IS worthy of love and all the things she desires because I am already surrounded by a shit ton of unconditional love. 

Future husbae, if you are reading this, hurry up or take your time. I’m enjoying life as it is and I’ll enjoy it when we are BOTH ready for each other. I believe in unconditional love in every sense of the meaning and I am prepared to patiently wait for it and you to come into my life.